“Just love him…”
A path to reconciliation for one couple
Four and a half years ago my husband and I separated. When he left, he was bitter, hurt, depressed and angry. During the next several months I didn’t know how to turn things around to have him find a change of heart.
The words kept coming to me, amplified by my friends who also live the spirituality of unity and shared my suffering, “Love him as Jesus would,” “Love him as he is,” just “love him whatever way he needs to be loved.” But, I didn’t know what to do concretely, especially because he wasn’t open or receptive to having anything to do with me.
With the help of our son Gerry, I began to try and support him by sending him meals each night for supper. Gerry would go over with them while I tried to stay in the background. A few months later he started to call me and thanked me for helping.
Each time he called, I tried to make myself one with him, putting everything aside and only paying attention to what he was sharing with me. In time he began accepting Gerry’s invitation to visit and come over for a meal, and we began to reconnect.
About two years ago my husband learned he had pancreatic cancer. I asked our son to see if his father would mind if I accompanied him to the doctor appointments. He agreed, and no matter what he needed, we would go with him to help him through all of the medical tests, chemotherapy and surgery. As time went on, he saw that we were loving and never asking for anything in return. Before long he began calling me every day to simply chat and let me know how things were going.
Loving him, living the present moment, seeing the face of Jesus in him, and making myself one with him was difficult at times, but it turned out to be a magnificent gift from God. The deep suffering turned into a beautiful experience of unity that brought a whole new dimension. We were sharing with each other what we never did in many years of marriage.
By the time he died, God had given us the gift of a fulfilled relationship and peace with each other.
Doris Byam
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